Get marketing… or else!

Yup. The ol’ “carrot and stick” approach can work… but I find the Spanking Paddle to be far, far more effective.

See, just to follow on from yesterday’s “write a €1,000 cheque to someone you hate” tip, I’d like to share with you the comment one of the Inner Circle Members, Sarah Dougan, made in response to it AND the guy who posed the original question:

Hello X

Welcome to the group!

Here’s a candid response. Prior to joining the Business Supremacy group, I hired a number of marketing and business development consultants who ‘fleeced’ me. They were greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent.

Such was the nastiness of the experience, that when I meet anyone who’s a ‘marketing / business development guru’, my natural instinct is to stick a crucifix in their face and munch a clove of garlic. I regard them as a bunch of vampires who suck the contents of bank accounts and leave their victims feeling drained and embittered.

The email from your coach triggered alarm bells for the reasons cited by others as well as my own experience. Your coach may be the genuine article; but I can’t say I was impressed by the quality of his pitch.

When Jon sent emails inviting me to join the group, my initial reaction was, ‘here we go again’. I decided to place the cynicism aside and give him the benefit of the doubt as his emails were compelling, he came across as a decent chap and his monthly fee is extremely low risk. So I joined the group.

Result: it’s the best business investment I’ve made.

Here’s a quick example. A few weeks ago, I took part in one of the teleconference calls and I made a throwaway remark about a recent incident in my business. Jon and the others advised me to write a press release about the incident. Jon also threatened to run after me with a ‘spanking paddle’ (if in doubt, have a peek at some of the items in his sex toys shop) if I didn’t take action…

Dreadful images of me, Baldy and a great big spanking paddle (as well as looking daft in front of other group members) prompted action that delivered results. I’ve now been invited to speak at an international conference hosted by the MoD, the Cabinet Office, GCHQ and ‘captains of industry’ about how e-learning can be used as a countermeasure to the risk of fraud and computer-related crime. The audience will include directors from international police, law enforcement and security agencies.

Jon’s challenge worked with me and helped me tackle a tendency to put things off. If I were you, I wouldn’t hesitate in accepting his offer and encouragement to take action. And if you require names of some absolutely vile characters who may be eligible for the 1000 euros, I’ll happily supply the details of the marketing consultants who fleeced me…

Good luck!

Sarah Dougan, http://www.esecurityexchange.com

Now, this was completely unsolicited. But it’s a pretty awesome testimonial, even if I say so myself.

OK, let me be frank about something: I can’t promise you the same opportunity Sarah had in her business (I didn’t create it — I  just spotted it for her); and I can’t promise to come after you with a spanking paddle, no matter how naughty you are or how nicely you ask me.

But what I can promise is this: when you join me and the other Members in the Inner Circle you’re getting access to some pretty clever and experienced people who are more than willing to share their knowledge, and not-so-gently push you along.

What’s more you’ll get loads of extra stuff, including free access to my new Look Over My Shoulder programme, and loads more shit I can’t even bring to mind at the moment.

Candidly, if you really think I’m one of those slimy, greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent guru-scumbags and Sarah’s words haven’t given you that warm and squishy feeling in your underpants, then maybe you’d be better off unsubscribing and having nothing more to do with me.

But if anything I’ve said has helped you or given you that metaphorical kick up the arse… then maybe you’d do well just to give my Inner Circle a try, eh?

Listen…

You don't even have to go to the website

You can simply click the link below and it’ll forward you straight to Paypal’s magic secure servers where you can set your subscription up with no hassle:

http://www.businesssupremacy.ie/join-me-now

And if for some unlikely reason you don’t like it, for any reason or no reason at all, you can cancel at any time. No minimum subscription, no minimum term.

Life’s too short to keep you doing something you don’t wanna do.

So here’s the super-simple NO risk “join me now” link:

http://www.businesssupremacy.ie/join-me-now

Every now and then I get an email from some Moaning Minnie or other complaining about the fact I don’t give him enough “meat” in my free email tips.

Hmmm.

Methinks they’re actually a bit slow on the uptake and are the kind of people who really wants a mollycoddling rather than educating, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

So, today, here’s a tip I gave to my Inner Circle yesterday. Here it is — the whole thing, naked, unabridged, undiluted and uncensored.

Just a bit of context: the fellow asking the question is pondering the wisdom of dropping $5,500 on a six-month stint with a “business coach” because he’s just not getting round to implementing the marketing stuff he’s currently getting from the guy.

The idea is the “one on one” coaching will make him get his arse into gear.

Here’s my answer:

The price itself isn’t the issue, in my book. I’ve paid someone $6,000 for 3 hours phone time (and used only one hour of it), and it paid for itself more than 3 times over inside 21 days.

But that was because I took action. And to my way of thinking, that’s what you’re lacking: action. Certainly as a part of this group and then a part of the other group, you ain’t short on knowing.

You’re short on DOING.

So here’s an idea:

1. Write out a plan and post it here. There are over 60 very smart people here to help you with every possible aspect of your marketing you can imagine.
2. Then write a cheque for €1,000 to your LEAST favourite politician’s campaign and send it to me.
3. I’ll keep it for 6 months and if you haven’t stuck to the plan, I’ll send it to them; if you have, I’ll send it back to you.

That way, if you don’t stick to your plan, you’ll lose only €1,000. But if you DO stick to it, it won’t have cost you a penny, let alone $5,500.

No kidding: the thought of your public commitment to this group AND that €1,000 going to someone you don’t like will spur you on like nothing else.

Now, this is a tip you can take straight to the bank.

Just one important thing, though: the beneficiary of the cheque has GOT to be someone or some cause you really can’t stand, and you’ll do well to make the deal very public.

So, why does it work?

Because most of us can drop $5,500 on a “guru” or a progamme, do nothing and then justify it in some way.

We’ve probably all done it. I have, I know.

But none of us could easily stomach (very publicly) giving €1,000 to some person or cause we revile. As a species, we HATE to look foolish (apparently the only punishment the Eskimos had for theft and other crimes was for the whole tribe to point at the perp and just.…  laugh at him).

And here’s the thing: if you’re procrastinating, prevaricating and dilly-dallying and not getting round to implementation, implementation, implementation, and yet you resist putting this tip to work for you right now… then the reason is you KNOW you’re simply not going to “do the doings”… which in turn should also tell you the $5,500 option is almost certainly going to be a big waste of money.

And $5,500 will get you over 7 years’ membership of my Inner Circle, just for a bit of perspective.

Of course, you might not like my answer.

I mean, I’m not showing a lot of empathy or tree-huggery.

Maybe you’d prefer it if I drew some fancy charts and did some NLP jigger-pokery to validate your feelings and find out if you were bullied by your neighbour’s chinchilla as a child.

But that’s my style, and while it’s what the Inner Circle love me for, it ain’t to everyone’s taste, to be sure.

You either love the Evil Bald Genius or you hate him (and there are two kinds of people in the world: people who love me, and people with poor taste)

Hey, no worries, though: if I’m not to your taste, then there are loads of greedy, unscrupulous and incompetent (to quote another member) “gurus” out there who’ll tell you what you want to hear… just so long as you keep handing over your dough.

But if you like a bit of “tough love” and straight talk, then Baldy’s yer man.

So grab my free tips.

Do it now.

You know you want to.

One of the most surreal things you can ever see out of your office window is a man chasing bullocks around your garden.

I speak from experience, because that’s exactly what happened on Saturday.

There I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business and herd of bullocks goes charging past my window, closely followed by a bloke in a white T-shirt waving his arms and shouting.

It’s testament to how well I’ve fitted in to rural life around here that I just raised my eyebrow and turned my attention back to my computer. I admit, I did sigh a little.

Now, the question you might be asking yourself is what the hell was a herd of bullocks doing in my garden in the first place?

Well, therein lies the lesson. It’s an important one, too.

Here’s the story, as I heard it from Sarah later on in the afternoon: my neighbour was moving the bullocks from the field at the top of the lane to the field at the bottom. And to help him he had a few bods to wave arms or whatever — one of them had a sack of cattle feed, too (remember this — it’s important).

Anyway, they all come mooing and bellowing down the lane lured on by the guy with the cattle feed, and prodded from behind by the others.

And at the bottom of the lane where it meets the road, they were all meant to turn right.

Only… the guy with the cattle feed went left because he needed to secure the tape they use to guide cattle along the lanes hereabouts.

And bullocks, being neither cooperative nor particularly bright followed the guy holding the goodie-bag.

The result?

Chaos.

Cuz the guy with the food realised the bullocks were following him and going the wrong way. So he kinda panicked, dropped the bag and started waving his arms, chasing them back the way he wanted them to go.

Trouble was, the blokes doing the prodding and poking from behind were now milling around in the middle of the road, meaning the hairy beasts were trapped between the mad waving-arm man and a bunch of pokers and prodders.

So they did the thing any bullock would do in the circumstances and cut a sharp hairpin turn into my garden.

The rest, you know.

So what’s the Big Lesson here?

Well, there are two.

1. The most obvious one is this: plan ahead. A simple strip of the tape across my drive would have stopped the wee beasties from coming into my garden.
2. And the less obvious, but probably more important one: the bullocks were always going to follow the guy with the food!

In just the same way as your market follows what it wants the most rather than what YOU want to give it.

The advertising agency business is one big fat scam. I’m not just talking about the “brand aware” wide-boys and Sloanes in the chrome and smoked-glass offices, but the reps in all the marketing and advertising departments in all the media publications out there. In all my years of marketing I haven’t met one I’d trust more than a priest in a nursery.

Your Typical Braying Advertising Rep

Actually, maybe I’m being a little unfair — I suspect some of these worker-bees in the advertising agency hive-mind are not so much evil as just plain ignorant, ill-informed and brainwashed with the usual advertising agency shit out there.

But, in true Max Bygraves fashion, I wanna tell you a story…

This morning I get an email from the advertising department of a popular newspaper here in West Cork.

First strike: this is spam. It’s unsolicited commercial email. While I’m not one to run and call the Guards, it is illegal so far as I understand, and even if it’s not, she’s just guaranteed I’ll not be buying from her.

I. Fucking. Hate. Spammers. I especially hate advertising agency spammers after today.

Anyway, it goes like this:

Hi,

Please see attached letter on a feature we are doing within the XXX.  If you would like to advertise in this we are offering you free editorial along with your advert. There will also be a discount on the rate of 50%.

If you would like to discuss further please contact me on details below.

Thanks

S.

Advertising Agency Trick No.1: the "rate-card"

The “rate card” rate for your ads bears as much resemblance to the real world as a badly made soap opera. Like the Bible, Harry Potter and an MPs Expenses Claim, it’s a work of fiction.

Here’s what they do: someone in the publication greases his fingers and pulls an arbitrary (and high) figure out of their arse and that becomes the “rate-card rate”. No one pays rate card.

Well, let me correct myself: no one who knows their dirty little game pays rate-card. No, what they do is… they haggle. A good friend of mine is brilliant at this and gets 82% or more off ads in the Nationals in the UK. He starts by asking the rate-card and then laughs and says, “I think you’ve got a decimal point in the wrong place, mate”.

The real price of an ad is what the advertising agency can get for it. Sometimes that’s a teeny-tiny fraction of rate-card. See how she was offering me an instant 50% off?

Sounds like a good deal, doesn’t it?

And it could be… if the Return on Investment warrants it. More on that in a moment.

The point is… the rate card is a crock of shite and you may as well just ignore it. Because the advertising agency will, that’s for sure.

Anyway… I played along and asked how much, how big, and how much editorial I’d get.

What is your rate? And how many words allowed in the editorial?

Warmly,

Jon

And sure enough the old rate-card thing came out:

Hi Jon,

Words for editorial are 200 — 250 words and min size of advert for this is 20cm x 2 col  black and white.  Discount rate is  €950 + vat.

Thanks

S

Golly. Aren’t I the lucky one? But it’s still a lot of cash, right? And it means the “usual rate” is almost €2,000. Ouch. Need some serious response to make that worth my while.

So I said:

No, thanks. Too pricey considering it’s an untested ad and medium, and the editorial too small.

Warmly,

Jon

And, much to my lack of surprise… the already discounted rate-card rate disappears in a puff of avarice:

HI Jon,

How much were you looking to spend and i can see what i can do.

Thanks

S

See, this is where I it starts to get my gorge rising.

I’m going to be charitable and give this young lady the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn’t know she’s party to a filthy scam. Her boss is, or her boss’s boss. The advertising agency as an institution is, for sure. But she probably isn’t. She probably believes the shit she comes out with (have patience and you’ll see a real King Among Advertising Agency Turds below).

Anyway, I wrote back with a simple question, but one very few business owners ever think to ask:

Are you confident advertising in your magazine is going to make me money?

Warmly,

Jon

To which she replied:

Hi Jon,

Its not in a magazine its within the XXX Page just after the Business Pages. We did a feature on XXX back in 2007 and it was very successful.

I have attached  readership figures for the XXX for you to view.

Thanks

S

And sure enough, she had. It was grand. Impressive-sounding phrases like, “More ABC1’s in Munster”, “multi award winning national broadsheet newspaper with a unique reader profile” and “a unique POSITION IN THE MARKET”. Their caps, not mine.

Great, but…

This hasn’t answered my question, though.

Warmly,

Jon

To which she replied (and this has to be one of my favourite Advertising Agency Bollocks examples of all time):

Hi Jon,

I can’t guarantee for you that its going to make you money but I can guarantee brand awareness.

Regards

S

Whoopee fucking doo.

Brand awareness! So that’s what my business has been missing all this time!

Advertising Agency Trick No.2: "brand awareness"

Brilliant!

Next time I get to the checkout in Dunnes’ I’m not going to pay… Instead, I’m going to offer to carry a carrier bag with their logo on it around the town to give them some “brand awareness”.

They’re bound to go for it.

Let me explain something: as an Irish small business owner you need to be about as concerned about your “brand awareness” as you do the price of nails in Kurdistan.

It’s totally irrelevant. Seriously.

Your brand comes about as a natural byproduct of giving excellent service. It’s free. You don’t even need to think about it. Just do a great job and your “brand” such as it is for small businesses, will miraculously arise like a sunflower under a blue sky. The advertising agency doesn’t want you to know this because they want to keep selling you more ads so you can keep building this nebulous and unmeasurable “brand awareness”.

So, anyway, call me cynical if you like, but this seemed a little fishy to me. So I thought I’d make a perfectly reasonable request:

Tell you what — why don’t we run the ad, then I’ll pay you according to the results I get and the income this “brand awareness” brings in?

That’d be fair, don’t you think?

Warmly,

Jon

Alas, it was not to be. All of a sudden this great opportunity I had wasn’t perhaps so great once the risk was kinda spread around a bit:

 Hi Jon,

I appreciate your interest in this feature but the Irish Examiner don’t work like that. We would only take adverts and payment when you book with us not after the advert appeared.

Thanks

Sandra

No surprises there, then. I’ve yet to have any advertising agency take me up on this. Yellow, spineless fuckers the lot of them. I’d had enough by now so I gave it the broadside:

Yes, I’m familiar with how the advertising industry works. It’s my business, after all. And because I know my business — and your business, too — I know your “brand awareness” nonsense is exactly that.

If I can’t measure income from the ad, there is no point in running it.

I have no desire whatsoever to advertise with you.

Please do not contact me again.

Warmly,

Jon

Truth be told, I felt a bit sorry for her. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to think I’m more Gentlemanly than this, and I’m normally much more respectful of women.

But, then, she’s chosen to play in a dirty game, so she ought not be surprised when someone faster and smarter throws the shit right back at her.

What really annoys me is the vast majority of small business owners will be sucked in by this kind of thing. It happens every day: advertising agency calls small business owner with a “great deal”… and the rest you know.

Why?

Because they don’t know the ins and outs of marketing and advertising. You could reasonably argue it’s their own fault for not educating themselves; and that’s true. But just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it.

Advertising agencies and media publications would do better to look at the long term. If they had an ounce of common sense (and decency) they’d realise if they can show a decent ROI on the ads they design and run, then they could actually charge more for them. But no, they go for the short-term profit and eschew the long-term relationship, covering their tracks with nonsensical bollocks about “brand awareness”.

An advertising agency with integrity would refuse to run ads which it thought wouldn’t make a decent ROI.

Responsibility, fear and excuses.

I reckon that’s about it. It sums up my attitude to life and the whiners I come up against pretty well and encompasses all the things I think wrong with society today.

You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m on about now, so I’ll tell you.

I got an email from one of my readers a while ago, a lovely lady to be sure, and she concluded by saying

“Really enjoying your blog posts and emails, you are so funny!! The word ‘curmudgeonly’ comes to mind!! but I think you are a softie really?”.

Now, I pondered this for a while.

Softie?

Hmm… Not really.

See, I’m not quite the monster I’m made out to be, yet it’s also not true my bark is worse than my bite. It’s not.

My bite is very powerful and can be fatal.

No, it comes down to my view of personal responsibility.

We’re all responsible for our own lives and actions, and if there’s one thing I detest it’s excuses and whining. OK, so that’s two things, but who’s counting?

Right now we’ve got the Greek economy teetering on the edge of collapse, and the reaction of many citizens is… to go on strike and demand the government “do something”. And then in the US there are gazillions of people “occupying Wall Street” for reasons I confess I don’t really understand.

I’m no happier at all the bailouts than anyone else, especially with how it’s been done here in Ireland. The banks have our testicles and they won’t give them back, to put it crudely. To the Devil with the lot of them. I hope they rot.

Sure, things have to change. But a complex-adaptive system like an economy comes about as a result of the actions of its constituent parts. Change the actions of enough of them, and the system changes.

I am forever sick and tired of people pissing and moaning about how bad things are, while at the same time doing nothing about making them better beyond yelling and screaming it’s someone else’s job to do it.

Because even if it is… so what? Identifying the guilty party doesn’t make things immediately better, and locking someone up for murder doesn’t bring back the dead. In the same way, screaming at “capitalist pigs” (of which I am one, and you can fuck off if you don’t like it) to wave a wand and sprinkle you with fairy dust won’t make any difference at all.

But you can change your own actions easily and quickly. Good luck trying to force change on others.

You know, I’d love to ask these people:

• How many marketing books did you read last year?
• How many seminars did you go to?
• How many courses did you take?
• How many trips to the library did you make to learn a new skill?
• How many marketing emails did you send?
• How many people did you ask, “What do you want and what aren’t you getting?”
• How many prospects did you add to your email list?
• How many Adwords campaigns did you run?
• How much SEO did you do?
• How many lists did you write on the different ways you could serve others?
• How many direct mail pieces did you send?
• What, exactly, did you do to increase your value in the marketplace?

Alas, the answer usually is going to be the same: “None… BUT that was because…”

Fuck ‘em. Nothing but excuses.

And then, take my continued exhortations for everyone in business to pursue the cream in your market, no matter what business you’re in.

I get so many emails from people who say “but my business isn’t a high end business”, so what can I do?”.

Well, it’s clear. You have three choices:

1. Stay as you are and make the best of it. You can probably do better then you’re doing now with smart marketing, but there’s probably going to be a limit to things.
2. Change the business you’re in so you are a high end business.
3. Swap to a new business altogether if there really isn’t a high-end in your market.

I seriously doubt #3 actually ever comes up, but I put it there because it is possible and even I don’t know everything.

Now, most people settle for #1. Which is fine. No one’s going to hold as gun to your head and make you do this, and if you don’t choose to do it that’s fine.

But make no mistake: you are choosing.

Yes, doing #2 is going to be work.

You’re going to have to research it and do some serious thinking about you, your business, your customers… and in making the transition, you’re going to have to make some very uncomfortable decisions.

Moreover, it might not even work the first time round.

You’ll make mistakes.

So you might decide it’s too risky, or you don’t want the hassle, or your drive for success isn’t strong enough to overcome your fear and inertia.

And that’s all OK. It’s your life, after all.

But please, Please, Puh-Lease don’t tell me you “can’t” do it, like there’s some mystical external power holding you back.

Because there isn’t.

I don’t care what your circumstances are, it’s all within your power to do.

For some it will be easier, yes.

But unless you’re actually dead, there is nothing actually stopping you… except yourself.

Business Supremacy for this month gets down and dirty with the serious business of Premier Positioning and Premium Pricing (and how you can easily double your profits in three easy steps). I now have just SEVEN copies left (it was eight this morning, but another one’s gone since…).

Join me and the rest of the Inner Circle here: http://www.BusinessSupremacy.ie

Earl Nightingale once said, “If in you’re in a situation and you don’t have any clear way forward and want for clear advice, look around and see what everyone else is doing and do the opposite”.

Earl Nightingale was the dog’s.

I still find it staggering people genuinely seem to believe they’ll get different results if they continue in existing behaviour or copy the behaviour of others.

However, even given the two statements above, don’t make the mistake of thinking you can’t learn from others. I guess this shouldn’t need saying, although not to do so violates one of the fundamental principles of marketing, that you should keep repeating your message and not assume people have “got” it.

So, while you should indeed be wary of mimicking or modelling others’ behaviour willy-nilly, it is a very powerful strategy to model the behaviour of people who are already successful (although there is also a big danger here, too).

And this, of course, at the root of the awesome power of Association. The old adage, “birds of a feather flock together” has real meaning. One of the big benefits of Business Supremacy Inner Circle (http://www.businesssupremacy.ie) is the interaction with me and the other Members on the Discussion Group.

As Charter Member Mark Davisdon put it to me yesterday:

“Mate, just want to drop you a quick note.

The guys you have as subscribers are first class. As you would have seen I have been swamped with responses and people offering thoughts etc.

Good job putting this group together.

Thanks Jon. Make sure you keep the fuckwit filter on so that it stays first class

Mark”

Much as you might like to think it’s not the case, you will begin to absorb the behaviours of the people you spend your time with.

When people who screw up use the excuse about how they “got into a bad crowd”, there is a lot of truth in it. This does not, however, excuse them from suffering the consequences of their behaviour.

See, here’s another thing: optimistic, upbeat people will tend to motivate pessimistic, downbeat ones, and vice versa.

This is actually even more damaging and destructive than it sounds.

And here’s why…

There are more pessimistic, downbeat people than there are optimistic and upbeat ones. You’re almost always going to be outnumbered.

Even if you’re not, the best you can hope for is a cancelling out, where neither of you amounts to very much.

Because it’s easier to be negative than positive (because inaction is less effort than action and passivity less cerebral than activity), as the optimistic upbeat one, you’re having to work harder to stake your claim.

Just think back to your own experiences and remember how many times one miserable, unhappy git has brought gloom to an entire group of hitherto happy people.

The upshot of all this leads me to make two points:

First, don’t model people unthinkingly; and secondly, do model successful people.

I’ve been privileged over the years to work with several clients whose example to me in terms of behaviour was worth more to me than any fee I could possibly ever asked of them.

Corollary: never, ever disconnect your critical thinking from reality. This is how people get sucked into cults and other dumb schemes and behaviours.

P.S. The Business Supremacy Newsletter is at the printers. I’ve got 10 spares being run up, and they’ll go pretty quickly. So to join me and the other non-fuckwits in the group, you know what to do: http://www.businesssupremacy.ie

There’s an ancient Chinese saying, “May you live in interesting times”.

As much a curse as anything.

And it seems the curse is upon us because as I predicted long ago, the economy this side of the Pond has gone well and truly belly up and is destined to sink to the bottom.

Don’t you find find at times like this it polarises people? You know, get to see some at their very best, and some at their very worst.

I’ve been fortunate enough over the years to surround myself with a small but loyal circle of friends and clients and I’m doubly fortunate now in seeing only the best in them. Some of the “horror stories” I’ve heard from clients who have been dumped on from great heights by liars, cheats and charlatans who see their questionable businesses going down the pan as reality bites are almost enough to scare me into getting a “proper job” (as my ex is wont to say).

But there’s another strange behaviour this polarisation brings out: irrationality.

At the risk of sounding once more like a cracked record, I’ll share something with you about the “Success Peddlers”. Many of them are having real problems…but some are doing better than ever.

Why?

Because right now many people are more afraid and insecure than ever, and it’s easy for the unscrupulous to sell to their hopes, fears and insecurities.

Just this last week I’ve had a couple of similar email conversations with people wanting to hire me to write their sales letters, in the hopes of resurrecting their flagging businesses.

Apart from the fact I’m not taking on Private Clients now, how many times do I need to say this.…

Copy IS NOT the Answer!

All other things being equal good copy will outperform bad copy, and a good copywriter on balance gets better results than a bad one, but all other things are almost never equal! Anyone who claims differently is either deluding himself or lying to you. I saw another one of those copywriters’ websites the other day where he claims to be able to “compel” your customers to buy with his copy.

Come on, people. This is just nonsense. If he could do that, why is he selling his copywriting services instead of umpty-gazillion dollar yachts to the rich and famous?

Copy can be “compelling” but it cannot “compel”, not in the way we these words are generally understood. Copy cannot “convince”.
I don’t think it can even persuade.

Influence?

I reckon. Perhaps.

Let’s see some real science on it, shall we?

And absent all that, the best we can reasonably assume it can do is give your reader the information they need to make their own minds up to do something they’re already predisposed to do! This is basically Halbert’s “starving crowd”. You don’t need to compel, convince or persuade a starving man or woman to eat!

I know a guy who sells $50 books with “crap” sales letters converting to his list at 25%. I say “crap” because by all the “rules” of copywriting his letters and emails are laughable from a “marketing” perspective.

BUT, by definition, they’re good because they bring home the bacon. I’m certain he could improve the copy and get an even bigger response, but it would by be a few percentage points, and let’s face it: who’d care too much about improving a 25% conversion rate?

And why does he convert at 25%?

Because of his reputation for unstinting honesty and integrity in the very murky world of diet and exercise. His audience might not want to hear what he has to say, but they need to hear it and they respect and like him for telling it the way it is. Pretty much like I try to do in my own way, I guess.

The only way “copy” can save your business is if you use it to develop lasting relationships with your clients and prospects, and serving them to build liking and trust.

And no bones about it: this takes time and effort. It means sitting down to write to them — newsletters, blogs, articles, emails, personal notes. It takes time and it takes effort. And it takes genuine warmth, writing in a friendly and conversational tone not the kind of “professional” crap you get churned out by most businesses (who when they write to you do so only to ask you to buy something off them).

But of course, if you want the easy way out, there’s an unending list of “gurus” who’ll divest you of your money in return for smoke, mirrors, and snake oil.

Good luck with that.

A good question: why was I presenting at the Internet Marketing  seminar in London when I wasn’t selling anything?

Was it the speaker's fee?

Nope.

A fee big enough to cover the three days out of the office the whole thing entailed would be infeasible. Believe me, I didn’t do it for the money.

To grow my list?

Not really.

Yes, about 25% of the audience have since joined my email list, and that’s bound to have some long-term value for them and for me, too.

But that’s just gravy. Not my primary motivation at all.

To get more clients?

Definitely not.

I’m not even taking on new clients at the moment. I guess if the right person with the right project and a wheelbarrow full of money turned up at my door, then I might be persuaded to come out to play; but, really, my books are closed.

No, the real reason is…

...Positioning

See, every time you stand up and speak to an audience you are immediately positioning yourself as an expert — and it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference whether the audience is right there in front of you, reading your stuff in the newspapers, listening to you on the radio or watching you on the TV.

Now, you might be thinking your business is too mundane and boring to be talking about to anyone, anywhere.

And you’d be wrong.

If you have customers and clients, you have people who will be interested in things you have to say about your business, products and services.

In other words, your business ain’t too boring… but you might be. Not being rude here but it’s true. Represent yourself the right way and you’ll get a following.

If you don’t believe me, just think about the inane crap being passed off as “reality TV”. I’m not suggesting you join the ranks of the Lobotimised, but I am suggesting there’s more interest-value in your business than you realise.

Remember: Gok Wan, Handy Andy, Charlie Dimmock, Mr Motivator, Dr Phil… they’re all really just famous because they got themselves up there talking in front of an audience.

Why not you?

Join me in the Business Supremacy Inner Circle before October 1st, and I’ll show you how to do it:

http://www.BusinessSupremacy.ie

P.S. I meant to mention this yesterday… it was lovely of the gorgeous Penguins Girls running the event to say how smart I looked in my suit… but they really didn’t have to sound so bloody surprised by it!

Not real ones, and for reasons I’ve explained before and can quickly sum up by saying… no one does what I do in quite the way I do it, so how can anyone compete with me?

But early this week I was in London, presenting a couple of slots at Chris Cardell’s Internet Marketing Mastery seminar (and if you were there, then I hope you enjoyed it all as much as I did).

Anyway, in the breaks I got loads and loads of questions thrown at me.

Nothing new there.

But you know what really surprised me?

The number of people who were more worried about what their competitors were doing rather than what they could be doing.

What?

Your competitors can go and eat donkey-knobs for all you care!

Why?

I’ll tell you:

1. You can’t control what they do. So worrying about it is just a quick way to a whole lot of stress and worry.
2. Most of them are clueless. By following them, you’re like the circle of caterpillars endlessly walking around the plant-pot playing follow-my-leader, until they all die (clue: whom do you think your competitors are looking at and following? Yeah, the very people who are following them. That’s you).
3. By focusing on them you’re not focusing on you. You become reactive instead of active.

Doing things the other way is all part of your positioning strategy. Being different from your competitors can be tough, as anyone who was in any way ‘different’ at school can tell you.

Short, tall, fat, thin, with glasses a lisp or any other characteristic to make you a target, you know what it can be like.

But bugger that — you’re all grown up now, so what do you care what your erstwhile competitors snigger about behind their hands.

By all means watch the successful people in your industry and see if you can divine what makes them successful and how you can adapt it to your own circumstances.

But follow them blindly and let their ill-informed opinions dictate your marketing strategy?

Pah.

To the Devil with that one.

Everyone’s got opinions about how you should run your marketing; but, alas, when it comes to marketing, most of them are like schoolboys talking about sex: enthusiasm and ignorance in equal measure.

Business Supremacy this month is 12 pages of tightly packed strategies, tips, tools and techniques aimed at making YOU King of your own particular hill (and as one member, Sanjay, said on the discussion group:

“There was a LOT of content in 24 pages of gold (Each page was really 2 pages and Jon managed to gracefully compress it, so don’t go complaining you only got 12 pages)”).

http://www.BusinessSupremacy.ie

Join me or don’t join me… but if for some unfathomable reason you don’t, then at least take this tip from me: forget your competitors.

Forget they even exist.

Because as far as a properly positioned business is concerned, they don’t.

Market positioning was the topic of an email sent to my list the other day. It about a drunken whore in the gutter. It wasn’t gratuitous filth.

In fact, it wasn’t filth at all, and it contained an important market positioning message for anyone with the wherewithal to look for it.

But that’s the point: looking takes effort, and divining the message a bit of thinking. Heaven forfend we actually have to do some work to make our businesses successful.

Here’s the message I sent in Fig 1, a classic example of the way I do my own market positioning:

Fig 1: Market Positioning — Example

I had a few responses to it, and only one negative.

It said simply this:

“Dont (sic) like your vocabulary used in the emails you sent to me.”

Cool.

Then it’s best he does go because it’s not going to change (and why do these people always feel the need to tell you how offended they are? Reminds me of the sad people who ring the BBC to complain about “bad language” on the box, when they could much more easily just turn the damned thing off).

My getting emails like this is nothing new. I get one or two whenever I post anything a little risque or edgy. It goes with the territory and tells me I’m doing something entirely right (more on that in a moment). Market positioning is as much about driving away the business you don’t want as it is about attracting the business you do want.

But what made this one all the more amusing and poignant was the other email I had about my style in general from a lady, Liz, who really does know her onions.

She’s a superb telemarketer who built up a high-end dating agency herself and sold eye-wateringly expensive “I need a good seeing to” packages over the phone (joking aside, dating agencies and websites are great — I met Sarah through a dating website and I heartily recommend it).

Moreover, Liz has the kind of voice Joanna Lumley would die for. I could sit and listen to it all day (so if you’re looking for a high-end telemarketer, let me know and I’ll pass your name along).

Anyway, Liz emailed me and said:

“Meanwhile Jon, I have been taking a look at some of the material you are selling on your own account. I must say I am very impressed with your style with its mixture of humour and irreverence — do you write it in the local pub? Not surprised you are busy — your work is excellent”

Praise indeed from a Lady Who Knows About These Things.

This wasn’t the only email I had about my style and market positioning this week:

Leon from Limerick said:

Hey jon. Just wanna say i love reading your emails everyday. Thanks for sharing them.

Nial said about a different email:

Thanks Jon another rollicking good read. I enjoy the irreverent nature of your posts and although thus far I am not a paying customer, you have very much curried favour with me by virtue of the non-bullsh!t approach (in an industry full of it).

I particularly enjoyed:

“I embrace the fact no matter what I do, someone is going to hate me for it… so I may as well make sure at least one person is happy… and please myself. You can’t be all things to all men and women, and you’re an idiot even to try”.

Wise words indeed and a philosophy I would fully subscribe to. It reminded me of a breakfast morning with Paddy Power of Paddy Power, who was talking about their frankly brilliant guerilla marketing over the years. Huge publicity generated by the Mary Whitehouse’s of this world and they were able to cash it all in because their own irreverent, humorous approach played brilliantly with their target audience (male 18 — 45).

Know your audience I suppose.

Keep it coming,

Cheers,

Niall.

But isn’t it ironic?

The first correspondent is clearly looking for help with his business (that’s why he was reading my emails rather than me reading his), yet chooses to forego it because he doesn’t like the way the message is delivered; and Liz knows, without even asking, what I do, works.

Shooting the messenger never was a smart idea, and it’s no wonder even the Mongols took a dim view of it.

To put it another way: this is NOT Sparta.

My Market Positioning Is NOT An Accident

I do things the way I do them for very good reasons.

Just yesterday I had the privilege and the pleasure of telling a well-known lowlife and scammer who was trying to enlist my help to go forth and multiply. You’d probably recognise his name, and if you Googled it you’d soon discover what species of pond-slime he is.

His answer, wholly ironic in the circumstances, was to call me “unprofessional” and to tell me I’d “missed a great opportunity”.

And yes, I undoubtedly missed out on a great deal of money.

But the point is my decision was instantaneous and very, very easy — because I have rules about the way I run my life and business (and one of them is not getting involved with pond-slime, no matter what the potential returns).

See, I decided a very long time ago to run my business my way. I work with whom I want to, when I want to, at the price I want to, and only if I want to.

I can do this because of my market positioning. I’ve set myself up very carefully so only certain kinds of people will want to do business with me.

And I started doing that long before the numbers in my bank account were telling me I could. In fact, I’ll go further and say if I hadn’t chosen that course, it’s unlikely the numbers would have ever told me I could.

Market Positioning Helps Me Make Money

Money per se is not a big motivator for me, but that’s fundamentally what my business exists for (because if it doesn’t make money, then I don’t have a livelihood). I also love my business, precisely because I’ve arranged it to run the way I want it to run.

Market positioning is a statement of what you stand for.

Market positioning clearly differentiates you from your competitors.

Market positioning helps you avoid the trap of trying to be all things to all men and women, and ending up being nothing to anyone.

To reiterate what Niall commented upon: I embrace the fact no matter what I do, someone is going to hate me for it… so I may as well make sure at least one person is happy… and please myself. You can’t be all things to all men and women, and you’re an idiot even to try.

It’s a concept forming a large part of what we in the biz call “market positioning” and while for some it’s an act, for most of us it isn’t. I’ll not deny it’s uncomfortable at first because it means doing things very differently from how “everyone knows” you’re “supposed” to do them, like by replying to asshats like the chap above telling him how sorry you are and you’ll try better to be “nice” in future.

But there’s no doubt it works (and when I get complaints like the one above, I know I’ve done my job — because for every person I’ve pissed off with my market positioning, I’ve made another two love me a little more. It’s called “polarisation” and none of the “gurus” talk about it because they don’t know about it, I suspect).

It all makes us more effective as business owners and, perhaps surprisingly, it means we can give our clients and customer better service (we have fewer of them, they pay more, and they’re more committed).

It automatically confers upon us a certain status and a deserved air of exclusivity — both of which make commanding high fees easier (all underpinned by the ability to deliver results, of course).

And, best of all, it makes running a business a lot more fun.

Market positioning is fundamental to your business success, too, if only you but knew it.